Even before I started writing the album, I knew it was going to be called “The Girlfriend Experience” and that it would deal with the fact that I had become the imaginary girlfriend to hundreds of strangers- and the differences between their perception of me and the reality of me as a girlfriend. Half of the songs are the hyper-sexual, living manga character that they fantasize about and half of them are about the things that my actual boyfriend has to deal with- my anxiety disorder and my codependent tendencies. The cover photos are actual “boyfriend pictures”- pictures that I texted to my boyfriend while I was on tour in Germany.
A week after my friend Devast committed suicide, I started writing this album one night when I started reading about serial killers on Wikipedia and got too scared to sleep. I started out working in bed with headphones on while whispering into the computer until my son started to kick me in his sleep, at which point I moved to the top of the stairs. A couple hours later, that track was “Summertime”- a calling out to lost friends, restless feelings, troubled love affairs, and the insomnia that I get every summer. Three weeks later, the bulk of the album was done.
When I mention relapsing in this album, I am talking about my OCD- which at times focuses on the checking and re-checking of locks; at other times, food anxiety to the point of anorexia, getting overwhelmed and hiding in closets at music video shoots, and of course, overcompensating with a completely fabulous DGAF stage persona. I’ve also co-opted the the term junk sick to refer to stress vomitting, which is not pretty, but is a real thing. Music has literally saved my life.
“The Girlfriend Experience” is the fifth full length album from The Sexbots. All my titles have double meanings. The term “girlfriend experience” generally refers to paying a prostitute for companionship and not just sex. As with all my albums, there is a video for every song on YouTube.
Get The Girlfriend Experience here.
Love Hotel Video Cycle
Once again, I decided to make videos for each song on my album so you can watch the whole thing on youtube. This time, instead of an album playlist, I put together a compilation video complete with bonus scenes, mostly me messing up and swearing.
Without further ado... if you have 40 minutes to blow, and and are not at work, um, this is a little NSFW... otherwise keep scrolling down for the blow by blow and individual videos from the album Love Hotel.
Set You Up
This is my bedroom with the mattress pushing against the wall and about four copies of the Portland Mercury taped up with masking tape. Melissa from SuperDuperFunGun is my love interest here, our first time doing a project together. She brought along Bruce Knight as camera. Joe Churchman, a local jewelry designer was called as a last minute fill-in actor. I literally called him and said, "What are you doing right now? And what are you wearing?" He was in and out in about 30 minutes. My daughter Simone was on camera for the scenes in which I am dancing in my underwear.
A stranger invited me to a secret, invite-only Pete Krebs show being held in a room at the Hotel Modera. I found out who kept this room... a local filmmaker who did frequent projects there, and asked him if he would lend it to me for a few hours. I asked Paul Allen to make a cameo dressed as a businessman. That was literally all he knew when he showed up. Luckily, he was pretty game- the only time he showed fear was when I told him I was going to slam his head against the wall(see bonus scenes in the album compilation). I don't like my cast to overthink what's going on- their reactions become less real. I would rather tell people what wardrobe to bring and then just have them react in real time.
The Bicycle Song
This simple video took surprisingly long to do. I had to buy an external hard drive, clear out my computer, and spend a fair amount of time on Google figuring out how to do a few things. I am a completely self-taught filmmaker. If I don't know how to do something, google and youtube how-to videos teach me how to. Um, that's also how I learned how to play guitar.
My daughter Simone on camera, we were filming during a house party/house show/filming of Please Remain Seated- basically running around someone else's set taking advantage of the ongoing house party. We only filmed for about 15 minutes. The Yellow House was a legendary vortex of creative people in the St. John's neighborhood. We made many good friends there and the curator became my video boyfriend. And yet, we could never quite bring ourselves to kiss on camera. This house has appeared in almost as many videos as my apartment has.
All Those Times
I was thinking of the exposure of Japanese black and white films in the 1950's and 1960's- gritty, post-war human dramas. This is a really interesting genre to me- watching Western aesthetics filtered through film, re-filtered through post-war Japan... coming from a visual tradition that more heavily references illustration and serial illustrations(manga, comics, etc.)... I could really talk about this for awhile, so I'll stop. I also really like 60's/70's French movies especially Claude Chabrol.
To Whom It May Concern
It's not a big secret who this song is about. This was the first song to be written on this album. I had a long-distance love who dumped me on Thanksgiving Day. I wrote this song and showed it to him 2 days prior. He is still precious to me in other ways. He could take me out in the woods and show me things I didn't even know how to look for and he is the most bullshit-free person I have ever met. I don't know any other way to say that. I cried and cried at the time... but I'm glad he helped me to move on by dumping me and I value his friendship.
The theme of this was behind the scenes at a nude photo shoot- trying to show how silly and artifical the process of creating sexy photos is. And I did it with a truly psychotic song. Even though my sister was the only other person there, being naked with other people is WEIRD AND SCARY! THEN HAVING TO EDIT NAKED FOOTAGE OF YOURSELF IS EVEN CRAZIER! This video freaks out all my friends.
At the Time I Looked Twelve
I tell creepy stories about Los Angeles. And in this video, it's less about the stories I am telling, than the idea that if you become caught up in your trauma- reliving it and letting it influence your decisions, you are incorporating your attacker, so that you are your attacker and victim at once. The bit where I tell Simone that I haven't been in Portlandia was spontaneous.
And the Beat
My hair is wet here because we did this super fast after finishing the Anna Veronica shoot and I had to shower off all the silver body paint. Then it seemed to make sense to do my makeup to look like I had fallen asleep in my makeup after a show... Kind of exhausting doing Anna Veronica, and we had 15 minutes to get footage before getting the twins from the sitter. And I could not explain how we had just spent the last few hours... I've never met the rappers featured on this track. We did it completely through e-mail, but I would like to meet them and do shows together some time. We had several long phone conversations before they recorded their bits, and they gave me exactly what I needed. However, there was a bit of space at the end of the song, which is how I ended up rapping for THE FIRST TIME EVER. Wow. Scary.
Do You Still Want To?
A bisexual revenge fantasy, cameo by DJ Ceez as the dude at the bar. The bar we had planned to film at wouldn't confirm, so I called Paul Allen of Barfly the afternoon before and he hooked us up with The Matador. What a champ! He did this even after I lured him to a hotel room the hogtied and spanked him. Wait a second...
This is What Living in Portland is Like
The last one at Henri's house...
I decided to make a video for each song on "Don't Stop" so that you can hear/see the entire album on youtube. We did it in just a few weeks, which was insane. I fell out of trees, ended up in bed with a stranger, experimented with genetic engineering, and was eaten by tigers.
Click the video below to start the playlist for the entire album or keep scrolling down for the cheat sheet for each video.
A Terrible Dream- The downward spiral of a relationship. This one was hard for family members to watch. It starts out with me using eye shadow to cover a black eye. Filmed at La Casa Amarilla in St. Johns, co-starring its young beardo curator.
This Happy Feeling- my personal favorite. A day spent running out of the woods and falling out of trees with my sister. I got scratches in places I won't mention when I fell on some sort of stinging plant.
The Comet- in collaboration with Jeremiah Scott of Endhaven Studios- this one has absolutely gorgeous production values.
Tell me that you want it- outtakes and live footage all mixed up. NSFW
When You Close the Bedroom Door- standing offer- if you can tell me the name of the guy in this song, or what Portland band he is in, you get a free t-shirt.
Under My Skin- work cancelled, so we frolicked on the beach. 40 degrees and a nightgown.
Fantastic Venus- everything seems normal, until...
Running Up That Hill- our Kate Bush cover gets the German film director treatment. A blank wall, black and white, and me progressively losing my sh*t.
Totally Typical- I get attacked by a tiger. The tiger, E-claw, was my Xmas present to the children. I think she gets recognized more than I do nowadays.
Take on Me- Ilima experiments with genetic engineering. It goes horribly wrong.
Come on Daddy- Ryan Alvarez kidnaps me for a snuff film. What?!? OH, NO!
Finish Me Off- this is not an official Sexbots video, but it is the only extant video for this song. There will be an official video before long.
And I Meant It- with remastered audio. This has a lot of cameos from Portland famous types.
Surprise release on April 27, 2015!
After Bandcamp accidentally sent out notifications about our new album, Berlin, we decided to go ahead and release it the morning of April 27, 2015. We were still recovering from filming 11 videos during a 16 hour day, then editing them all within a week and a half. That's an entire album that you can watch on YouTube! Start here to get on the playlist-
This is the last song on the album, featuring guest rapper DMLH doing some absolutely unspeakable things to a sandwich-
Trust Games is the seventh release by Portland avant posters The Sexbots. Awash in nostalgia, they cover 5 eighties classics with a delivery that is part BBC, part fetish dungeon. You've never heard these songs quite this way before.
Trust Games was quietly released on Christmas Day- Dec. 25, 2014 and has been wreaking havoc ever since.
Who do ya trust, baby?
Download all five songs or pre-order the limited edition CD- only 50 numbered copies here.
If you are Portland-based, I am willing to attend one holiday party with you. I have a lovely black dress.
This is my first involvement in a Kickstarter campaign and wow- it's kind of intense and validating at the same time. It takes a lot of balls and now that I'm elbows deep, I have so much respect for people who run successful campaigns.
The village is coming together. It's actually happening. It's probably going to take another 100 hours of work on my part to make it happen, but IT IS HAPPENING.
Come with us. Hear our songs before the rest of the world. If you want something you don't see, tell me about it. I've already made some custom rewards.
While all this is going on, all of life- working on call, raising 2 beautiful kids, changing my strategies every few days... thank you to everyone who has joined in already, who is going to answer the call, old friends and future friends. I didn't get much sleep last night so I am rambling.
This is our Kickstarter link. You are amazing. Thank you.
The new album is crazy intense. We intend to bring this to the world and we need your help putting it out. We are extremely grateful for your support and have Kickstarter rewards including:
-brunch at Bar Carlo
-massage by Ali Baron
-T-shirts and guest list
-bad advice from an Asian Mom
-DJ Ceez and Ilima bringing you the ultimate party
It is good stuff. You want it! You will also get to hear our new album at the same time that press does- 2 months before it is released to the public. !!!!! We love you and want to share everything with you. Please support our Kickstarter here.
This is a really nice remix from the fellows at Terrasocket-
The Sexbots are glad to support our local LGBTQ Center with our contribution to this compilation album. I volunteer for Q Center when time allows. No one should feel scared for being who they are.
Section 175 was a provision of the German Criminal Code from 1871 to 1994, making homosexuality a crime. Over 140,000 people were convicted under the law. The Nazis broadened the law in 1935 and thousands died in concentration camps in the prosecutions that followed.
Today, all over the world, the fight for LGBTQ freedom and equality is not yet won. Your purchase of this record helps to ensure that the important work of this vital community resource continues.
“Comp 175 – A Benefit for Queer Programs & Services in the Pacific Northwest” Tracklist:
1. Deluxe – An Evening Alone
2. Matt Alber – Tightrope
3. Logan Lynn – Do You Want Me Or Not?
4. Scream Club, Peaches, Shunda K, and Nicky Click – Billionaire (Remix)
5. Atole – Tonya
6. God-Des & She – God, I Know You Love Me
7. Magic Mouth – Wash It Off
8. Christeene – Tropical Abortion
9. Kimono Kops – A Shotgun Cottage
10. Jeremy Gloff – Outsiders
11. Kerry Hallett – Easy Go
12. Bobby Jo Valentine – Home
13. Jana Fisher – If I Ever Break Your Heart
14. A Million Tiny Architects – Lost In Oscillations
15. Jeb Havens – Parachute
16. Mattachine Social – Star Box
17. Tom Goss – Seems Like Yesterday
18. Logan Lynn – Turn Me Out (Modern Remix)
19. Kelly Moe – Collide Into You (Bovine Remix)
20. L10 – Oh Yeah!
21. Brett Gleason – Polarity
22. The Sexbots – Solar Power
23. Magic Mouth – Hush
24. Houston Bernard – 14 14 LUV
25. Noah Daniel Wood – Joshua
26. Jonny – The Gay Canon
27. Microfilm – B.F.F.
28. Blue Redder – Seahorse
29. Jeb Havens – Wake Up Call
30. Logan Lynn – Alone Together (Boy In Static Remix)
31. Bobby Jo Valentine – Gunshot
32. Katrina Skalland – Kiss You
33. Towering Trees – Brandy Alexander
34. Barbi Crash – Talk Shit
35. Atole – Maximal Techno
36. Matthew Mercer – Swallowing Stars
37. Kerry Hallett – Hating Nothing
38. Marshall J. – Damn It All
39. Stephan Nance – Firecracker
40. Noah Daniel Wood – Eli Wants A High Five
41. Mattachine Social – Lovers
42. Brett Gleason – Unruddered (Dead Red Velvet Remix)
43. Houston Bernard – Love (Matt Moss Vocal Mix)
44. Logan Lynn – Tramp Stamps and Birthmarks
45. Alternate Destination – July
Me, with no pants, on a couch inside Someday Lounge. Yay! This ad ran the week of our release party, August 31, 2012.
I performed a 20 minute modern dance piece at a "Masks" themed art party at Someday Lounge on August 25, 2011. The opening was organized my Martha Wallulis, sound design by KPSU's Ricardo Wang... an old friend I hadn't worked with in a long time. I finished sewing the lace piece of the costume that afternoon. This was my first time performing as a modern dancer EVER- scary, but I want to do it again. I am always limited by the mic and the cord, or stuck behind an instrument. The time onstage seemed like it was only a few minutes- stage adrenaline alway warps my sense of time. This montage was put together by local photographer Mark Seibold.
It's a lot of juggling between kids, rent, and... this. And yet, it's all worth it. I was practicing violin in our new house for the first time today. There is a bit of construction going on next store, and I could hear the hammer beating in time with my scales. When I finished my exercises and began freestyling- something that often leads to some of my better pieces, there was silence. And when I stopped, the hammer began again. I think this neighborhood might work out again.
The Childhood Friends comp is finally available. Thank you to Anya Bogorad for helping with graphic design.
It was way overdue... in order to finish the video for "Come on Daddy", I actually bought a Mac, upgraded to FinalCut Pro, and geez! I'm getting the audio mixed and mastered by PE Strickland, whose studio is prominently featured in the video. Looking for bloggers and others interested in talking about this video. It has layers of post-feminism, domination, voyeurism, and it's a snuff film. I'm almost glad of the little delay between editing and releasing it because I know there are probably some intense conversations ahead, but good ones. Life is complicated, and so are the stories we tell.
I quit Park Friends a few weeks ago. It was a lot of fun being in this band, but we're going in separate directions.
More time to work on guest appearances and soundtrack work. Guest violin work for Isaiah Brown, sung on a track for Abadawn, there is going to be a Sexbots song on the new short film "15" from Gravestone Entertainment.
Also, my short bike film (w/ Paul Ryan as DP) was accepted into Filmed by Bike 2011. Beyond exciting, and hope to see you there April 15-17.
We're gearing up for a humongous show at Someday Lounge. The theme for the show is Friends and Lovers of The Sexbots- basically, people I have collaborated with over the last few years in different mediums.
Park Friends(I play violin for them)
Start Fires(DMLH and Shermstixx)
Spit Stix in his brand new band with Carolyn Chaparro + dance troupe
Performance artists & dancers:
PDX Dance Collective
Dreame Scape (brand new circus troupe feat. Ari Steinberg-Lake)
We are showing "Crash", our submission to Filmed by Bike. Ever fantasized about having a threesome with your favorite bike mechanics? Or like making your friends crash their bikes into trees, cars, and telephone poles? This is the perviest 5-minute bicycle film you've seen in awhile.
"1158"- we will be showing a 15-minute exerpt of Jeff Scott Taylor's art-house zombie feature, with live soundtrack. Art-house zombie movie? Are we in Portland or what?
I can't help it, I like to dress...
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I think this is my first appearance on youtube. It was the first time my parents saw my ex-husband, and collaborator of 3 years perform. You can see me with a bun in my hair and a striped shirt(that actually belonged to Jake) popping up in the front of the audience from time to time. My father filmed this.
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This was originally an Enchanted 4ST song. After the implosion of that band, I took over guitar solos on the violin and alternately played bass. We re-released "Synesthesia" as a Childhood Friends album after combining the two bands.
I directed and filmed this video. The supermarket is Zupan's at 33rd and Belmont. Jake was incredibly jealous and furious...